Monday, August 16, 2010

Babbling, mumbling, whatever

Recently, i feel like i have no one to talk to. I know i should be the one to innitiate the conversation, to tell someone that i need to share what's inside me, and to be listened. But, somehow i feel like everyone's having their own problems, and seems like their problems are far more complicated than mine, so i shouldnt be bothered them even more by my problems, if they truly are problems.

I dunno if it's just me being melancholic, or else. Sometimes i feel that i always try my best to be there for others, for my loved ones. If i feel that they're having problems, or kinda in a bad mood, i ask them, if they're okay, and what happened to them. Ask them about their life, and about their daily stuffs. I do that because i love them, and i just wanna be there for them. I wasnt expected anything in return, actually. Just do that to show them that i care. But, sometimes, my egoistic and melancholic part want them to treat me like i do to them. To merely ask me about my day, to ask me if i am okay, and to initate the conversation. But sadly, again i have to face the truth that you cant expect anything from anyone.

I didnt tell them my problems just because i didnt want to bother them. On the other side, they think that i was too happy, and having no problem at all, so they didnt feel like telling me their problems, coz they think i wouldnt be able to understand them; my -problem-less life wouldnt understand their full-of-problems' life. Sometimes life could be really funny, couldnt it?

Knowing somone's problems sometimes could make me hesitate to tell them about mine, coz, compared to theirs, my problems seems like so tiny, and i shouldnt be fuzzed about that. Well, i am trying my best to handle my own problems, what's inside my head, and on the same time, supporting others for their problems. But, sometimes i just need a pair of ears who are willing to listen to me. Not halfheartedly, not to tell me what to do, but just to truly listen to me; without i need to ask. but maybe i am just asking too much. Coz people said, they are not mind reader, you need to ask them what you need them to do. Yes, i understand that, but, cant i just wish that sometimes they would understand, without i need to ask? No? Oh, hell, whatever.

You know, sometimes, a simple "Hello, are you okay?" could really brighten my day and my mood. Just to be reminded that i am remembered and loved.

But again, somehow, life is all about understanding others, without really expecting to be undestood. Isn't it?


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